Easy ways to boost your positive thinking.
“See the positive side, the potential, and make an effort.” ~Dalai Lama
Whether you’re in the public eye or live in relative anonymity, as a person you’re constantly receiving judgment,
criticism, and commentary about your body from others.
How many times have you said to yourself “Haters gonna hate. Just don’t listen to them.” In reality, the experience can be very unsettling. Over time the Ripple team have learned how to navigate hurtful commentary and not to take it personally.
- Check to see if the words are really meant for you.
Each time we receive a negative comment I consider it. I hold on to it to see if it’s mine. Is it productive? Is it true? Is it something I’m insecure about? Is it something I need to work on? This is a really easy positive thinking technique.
This isn’t a long process. Simply consider if this is something that you can or should explore for your own growth and values. If it is, proceed to look at the hard stuff that is “growing pains” and deal with it. If it not, proceed to following point.
- Acknowledge that people only have to give out what they have within them.
I remember reading a book in High School. One line in particular really stood out for me: “We can’t expect people not to lie to us as they also lie to themselves.” It made so much sense. The same applies here. If someone is the type of person who goes around saying hurtful things to strangers to their face or on the internet, I can’t imagine what they must say when they speak to themselves. Happy, confident people don’t do this.
So, rather than take on their baggage or find words to cut back at a hurting person, try to offer some compassion, even if only silently to myself. We can’t be responsible for everything that leads a person to make harmful remarks about others. But be sure to know that we/you don’t deserve to take all that on as your own. It is not yours to own remember that.
- Deal with your own stuff instead of hurling judgements at others. “Own your Issues”
One of my all-time favourite sayings is “How you feel about me is between you and yourself only.” It’s a great mantra to pull when someone really gets to you, or upsets you. When you react to another person, it is always best to ask…”What is happening with me right now that is causing this reaction? Am I feeling insecure? Do I relate to this issue somehow?” Positive thinking starts when we are mindful of our own issues first.
It’s always our own stuff that trips us up. Being curious and compassionate within ourselves gets us much further in dealing with the actual issue than hurling insults or spreading gossip. It creates a mindfulness around what is causing my own behaviour, which makes taking others’ crap less personally all the easier. You begin to relate to the source instead of attach to the symptom.
- Don’t take the positive stuff personally either.
This may be the hardest idea for us to grasp, but it really can made all the difference. The problem is, we either agree that others words define us or we don’t. We also get lots of positive, uplifting comments on a daily basis. If we attached ourselves and our identities to them it would be an agreement that these comments define us. That would be wonderful if we were riding a wave of “You are so inspiring,” but detrimental when the next, “You are hideous and shouldn’t speak” wave comes crashing in.
Don’t attach yourself to it either. Remember you define yourself.
List five things that you are grateful for right now.
Being grateful helps appreciate what you already have. Here’s my list: Life, my health, the amazing team I work with, the fact my daughter got out of bed this morning and did not argue, and that I am constantly inspired every day to try harder.
But don’t you feel anything? Does this mean you don’t you care at all?
We should also care about how we affect people. I aim to apologize when I’m wrong. I want to learn from my mistakes and be a better person. Living solely by the opinions of others is too stressful, too damaging, and not how we should want to ground our self-definition.
Try to deal with your own stuff. Practice “imperfectly” what we preach (or if you’re like me, do as I say, not as I do”. When someone has something hurtful to say, honestly hope that they work through whatever it is inside them that we are experiencing coming at me. And when someone says something beautiful, be thankful that they are in a place to show love. Neither of those belongs to me. It’s much more peaceful that way, and there for we rule out the need to analyse such statements in our head.
If you feel yourself feeling like this why not Take the focus away from you and do something nice for another person it might just help take your mind off of things and I felt better for helping someone else.
Remember that no one is perfect and let yourself move forward.
It’s easy to dwell on our mistakes. The only thing I can do now is learn from our mistakes and move forward. We never have “problems” , we have “challenges” that we overcome individually or as a team, nothing is a problem. A problem would be not having my home, not knowing how to feed my family that is a problem, anything else is just a challenge.
This by no means is foolproof, we all still have our moments and bad days and weeks. I can let you know though that not worrying about what other people think of you or what you are doing gets easier every time by putting these simple ideas into practice.